Monday, June 27, 2016

TG Caption - Bathrooms

For many of us, the simple act of going through everyday life can be a maze of weird social interactions, discrimination, and rude people.  It's difficult enough, as it is.  But with the passage (and attempted passage of similar laws) of the North Carolina bathroom law, everything just got more difficult because the law itself implies that your gender is simply not valid unless it matches your genitals.  If you have a penis, you're a boy.  A vagina, a girl.  It's practically medieval binary thinking, and in this day and age, a huge disappointment.  

So, predictably, I think the law is ridiculous.  But that's not what this little aside is about.  No.  While writing this caption, I started to think about the first time I ever used a women's bathroom.  I'm not going to pretend that it was some cathartic experience or anything.  It wasn't.  For me, it was one of the most nerve-wracking experiences of my life (up 'til then).  I was terrified that someone would "find me out" or that someone would recognize me.  It was a necessary, but very difficult, step for me, putting myself out there like I was any other woman just going about her business.  

As it turned out, the bathroom was empty, and I'd been worried for no reason.  But that's not what's important here.  That's not the point.  Thinking back to my mindset that day, I can tell you unequivocally that I simply wouldn't have done it if I'd been confronted with an actual law forbidding my using that women's restroom.  It would have been the last straw, you know?  My nerves were frayed enough as it was; adding actual illegality to the mix would have unraveled them completely.  

Where would I be now, if I hadn't taken that step?  Would I have eventually done it anyway?  Probably.  But maybe not.  Maybe I'd have grown into a completely different person, ashamed of who I was, and living my life in the shadows of societal expectation.  I don't know.  But it certainly wouldn't have made things any easier for someone going through an already-difficult time.

I just thought I'd share that with you all.  Here's today's caption:


  1. Nikki, I'm an "in the closet" Tgirl (and I may NEVER be "out") because in all outward appearances I still look like a man (that speaks & has mannerisms of a woman). I CONSTANTLY live in fear of being assaulted, raped and/or killed because of who/what I am. Having said that, I guarantee you IF I could look anywhere near as curvy & beautiful as the image in the above caption, I would DEFINITELY have no problem living "out" as my true self......and using the women's matter what state I'm in.
    LOVE the first paragraph btw.....may I use it on my Tumblr page ?
    Hugs & kisses, Alana

  2. I think that's a pretty common sentiment. If we could pass, we wouldn't be "othered" (hate that word, but it applies), and accepted as "normal". And sure, you can use anything you like.

  3. I agree with Nikki: the "potty police" laws are intended to harass, degrade and dehumanize trans people.
    I sincerely hope that this is the last stand of these people, and that they will disappear in the next wave of enlightenment.
    Then again maybe we will be faced with these people's grandchildren harassing clones or genemods or extraterrestrials.

    1. Oh, I think bigots will always be bigots. There's a certain segment of the population who need to hate something. However, we, as a society, can make it so socially unacceptable that these people keep that hatred to themselves. That said, I don't think the vast majority of people's bigotry is genetic; I believe it's more nurture than nature - a hopeful viewpoint because we can change nurture. Just in the past decade, I've noticed that young people are far more likely to accept homosexual and transgender people as simply "people" like anyone else. It's not nearly as big of a deal now as it was ten or fifteen years ago. And that's progress.

  4. I've been using the ladies room since I came out. Have been dressed femme since as well. Never had any bad experiences there either, only supporting females talking and being curious of my process.

    Currently I've been "out" 8 months, lost 35kg (77lbs), 75kg (165lbs) at the moment, and waiting for my HRT.

    1. I'm glad you've had good (is it wrong to classify normal as "good"?) experiences; it's easy to fall into the trap of only noticing the bad because nobody ever mentions the good. I hope your transition goes well, and you continue to get the support and acceptance you need.

  5. While I can understand where you're coming from, I don't see the bathroom laws quite the same way. Assuming that I remember it correctly, the law states that you have to use the bathroom of your gender according to your birth certificate. Isn't part of transition legally changing your birth certificate? If so, then there is no problem with the law as all it does is make certain that only dedicated MTF's use women's bathrooms.

    Oh, and I am saying this as a big fan of yours, and one that wishes I had an older sister that would do things like this to me.